As I reflect on our gathering last August, I recall the following thoughts that Hanna shared below about her beloved brother, Maddy.
I love my brother every time he determinedly stayed up to gently wiggle his toes across to my side of the bed, to enrage his big sister in the exact right way
And I love my brother years later when we slept in the same bed, this time divided by a body pillow, when I flew to LA after our brilliant grandma Sunny passed away
I love my brother when i remember how his hand felt on my shoulder while we were at dinner in Berlin and saw the first sonogram picture of baby Alden
I love my brother because we are part of the same entity... I could feel it when we were together, when we were apart, in a two-word text or a rambling video call
I love my brother when we decided to get a beer in the airport right before having a "sober" orientation for our Birthright trip to Israel
I love you when I think about how someone on our Sahara tour in Morocco thought we were together, then a German woman scolded her husband saying "of course she's his sister, she keeps telling him what to do!"
I love you when I see you in my partner and I ache that you won't get to meet and vet him.
I love you when i think about you always being on my side, and standing up for me
I love you when I think about supporting you, giving you advice about clothes or dating or friends
I love you when I think about how to be a better anti-fascist
I love you when I think of how much I love you, and how much I was loving you when I was trying so hard to help you during your crisis
I love you when I'm playing with Alden and Bella, and thinking about how much you wanted kids.
I love you when I tell other people that I love them...
When I'm happy, sad,
moving, still, sleeping, awake
Hanna's comments to the gathering in August 2023 after reading this poem...
Thank you for helping us bear the crippling burden of speaking Maddy's name, and attempting to express his essential and intertwined presence in all our lives.
I won't ever be able to adequately describe the depth of my gratitude to all of you...for being here, for the memories you hold close and the ones you share with us. I look forward to all the stories we will tell.
This gathering is vital and brutal, full of love and completely devastating...but I hope by sharing in this community with us, you are able to feel some of the immense help you are providing, as we keep Maddy in mind.