Today, I sit in the family condo that Maddy loved so much. It's in the mountains up near the continental divide. It's snowing hard. I'm reminded of the last time Jordana and I were up here with him. We had rented cross country skis and skied down by Lake Dillon as a family and then, later, Maddy and I went out and skied in the backcountry behind our condo. Neither of us were very good cross-country skiers, but we had so much fun together. We talked about nothing, about everything, and about doing it lots more. Maddy talked about wanting to learn to telemark. I was going to teach him.
I think of Maddy often. Sometimes with a smile, sometimes with a laugh or a snort, and many times with a deep sense of loss and grief. It's like a chunk of my body is, literally, missing. A cavity, the missing part of me that Maddy grew, from a little baby in my arms to the strong young man with the passion to change the world. His excitement, curiosity, humor, love, loyalty, challenge, intelligence, energy, caring, fearlessness, compassion, and strength helped shape me as a father just as I helped shape him as a son.
This intersection of love and agony reminds me of the poem I adapted and read to Maddy's community last August. I want to this again with you.
Into the freedom of the wind and sunshine and trees and mountains, we let you go…and keep you close
Into the dance of the stars and planets and cosmos unending, we let you go…and keep you close
Into the winds breath and the hands of our love, we let you go…and keep you close
.....Maddy, my son, our time together is forever precious
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